My life is challenging me right now.

My friend gives me feedback...

"I may be wrong, but what I feel about you is that you're a very intellectual person....you like new experiences and knowledge and problems, but you're also comfortable in the place you are. You like your friends, family, and relationship pretty stable while you dabble with what you want to, and let troubles mostly slide off you after they're dealt with. The biggest problem in a relationship for you is probably when you don't get laid regularly enough."

True. Well, except the laid thing. That's been good recently.

It really appears that I say things I don't mean, it's really not the case.
People misunderstand what I mean, with what I say.
There's only so much I can do.

Poetic night

It's easy to take for granted

Thinking things are solid stone

So you forget to feed it

Until all that's left are bones

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

You're the snake in the grass

Now I'm dying by your poison 

Who knows what'll come to pass

And if I drain
I'll just refrain
From all this talk in vain

-----------

This one is by my friend. I don't think he even knows I still go to his old livejournal sometimes, I love it so much.

Last Arabesque

I remember the last time we danced, 

How you were clumsy and misleading, 

Your ungraceful steps were crippling.

Once you were beautiful

Once you were amazing, 

I watched you, as I broke

Away, 

You did your last Arabesque

That I would ever see,

You'll never be lonely

Though I left your clumsy body behind,

You'll never be lonely

Because they've all come, 

In legions, to dance with you, 

They don't care to know anything, 

They just came to dance,

Won't you show them your Arabesque?

You can't make progress with just ideas.

I haven't written since that turbulent time when I thought I might lose something precious to me, but I can assure you that things have worked out for the best and I've been feeling really well.

Except that my mind is a little in turbo-mode tonight, set off by a couple of things. It doesn't take much sometimes, I'm susceptible to certain things.

"If you lose track of your opponent's blade, you may soon find it ... sticking out of you. 
So remain alert at all times."

I always have this aching desire to do so many things, I don't think a lot of people feel the way I do. It's hard to explain. This week, if I focus enough, could provide me with an opportunity to do a lot. I work well once I've developed a 'system' or a plan, if you will.

I'm in one of my insane moods where I'd want to stay up all night. 

But I won't...

I'm a good girl.

"La crise est le moteur de l’action. Elle est le paradis du décideur."

I love this quote, especially as I'm going through a crisis. It translates to, 'Crisis is the motor of action. She is the paradise of the decider.' (I translated the female pronoun as-is in French because it sounds more romantic that way)

Source: http://alliancegeostrategique.org/2013/05/08/la-crise-est-normale/

This is Not Healthy.

I see the patterns so I can see the future.

---

It was almost a year ago that I slipped on my workout pants and got a chunk taken out of me by a spider that was hiding in there. Sometimes when I put on that specific pair of pants, I feel a phantom bite again.

We remember pain and the things that caused us pain as a survival mechanism but usually the memory of pain overshadows the primary experience. There's a fair bit of medicine nowadays that goes into just blunting the memory (usually by preemptive analgesia).

It happened ten months ago that I felt a pretty intense emotional pain during a particularly bad patch in my relationship - and when my partner exhibits similar behaviour again, I feel the same pain come rushing back over me but intensified by the previous occurrences.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Strong, Smart, Affectionate"

Qualities that Janet Jackson likes in a man according to the song 'Someone to Call my Lover'.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I'm mounting a defense against heartbreak right now.

I want to be soft, but hard.

I don't want my pain to twist me.

-----

"This world is too crappy to think that you can take it on alone." - http://youtu.be/YT8TcH-qI5I?t=4m30s

"If I gave up on us, what would I have left?" -Hank Moody, pretty much appealing to the ultimate romantic in me.

Heavenly Muse and Horoscope for your Week!

We chose to walk instead of drive in today's -40 degree weather and we were kind of giddy about it all as sometimes happens when you realize you're doing something hard for the sake of doing something hard. There's a fire in our hearts! Even asking for a ride from Dana in the end felt more like... pushing boundaries of a different kind. She's something, that girl.

I think I've pretty much accomplished as much as I will in Tyria. I've had the urge to move on all week, so I've barely been present. Some of it was short but intense and I can draw from that inspiration and emotion now. You know, once I stop faffing about and get back to that whole music-making/writing thing.

*** HOROSCOPE FOR JANUARY 24TH -  30TH ***

ARIES
Your dreams of pimping will go down in flames when your chunky peanut butter is discovered, revealing that not everything about you is smooth.

TAURUS
You will discover that sometimes it’s actually not the humidity, but the heat that’s the problem. This epiphany will make getting locked in an oven slightly more bearable.

GEMINI
Your romantic life will continue to evolve, as you come up with yet another clever line that would be useful to someone who isn't too afraid to talk to other people.

CANCER
Your lover is right. You’ll never be able to shoot her. You still have feelings for her, you never took shooting lessons, and you’re holding a carrot.

LEO
Before making demands of your employer, keep in mind that any number of monkeys would jump for a chance to do your job. So shut up and masturbate that chimp.

VIRGO
A brush with death will teach you more about God than you possibly could have imagined. It turns out that She likes long walks on the beach, reading, and hanging out.

LIBRA
You will discover religion and find your true place in life, a place that will lead you to a help wanted ad for a jizz-mopper at Sluts-R-Us.

SCORPIO
All your dreams will come true, leaving only the cold embrace of death to look forward to.

SAGITTARIUS
An encounter with a puppy will inspire you to become vegan. The puppy and its animal breatheren still hate you, though.

CAPRICORN
You will bump into Russel Crowe, who will be so impressed that he will give up his fame, money, charisma and dignity, and become just like you.

AQUARIUS
The fact that you enjoy painting sad clowns does not make you psychotic. The fact that you do so on the freeway does.

PISCES
Remember: drugs are not the answer, unless the question happens to be “How can I be cooler and more interesting?