This is Not Healthy.

I see the patterns so I can see the future.

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It was almost a year ago that I slipped on my workout pants and got a chunk taken out of me by a spider that was hiding in there. Sometimes when I put on that specific pair of pants, I feel a phantom bite again.

We remember pain and the things that caused us pain as a survival mechanism but usually the memory of pain overshadows the primary experience. There's a fair bit of medicine nowadays that goes into just blunting the memory (usually by preemptive analgesia).

It happened ten months ago that I felt a pretty intense emotional pain during a particularly bad patch in my relationship - and when my partner exhibits similar behaviour again, I feel the same pain come rushing back over me but intensified by the previous occurrences.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Strong, Smart, Affectionate"

Qualities that Janet Jackson likes in a man according to the song 'Someone to Call my Lover'.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I'm mounting a defense against heartbreak right now.

I want to be soft, but hard.

I don't want my pain to twist me.

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"This world is too crappy to think that you can take it on alone." - http://youtu.be/YT8TcH-qI5I?t=4m30s