Killing Zombies, the Ties that Bind

It's my main girl Iza's 27th birthday on Saturday, which I was this close to forgetting seeing as I had made dinner date plans with Ted. I really have to drill this date into my head, November 29, after 6 years of friendship I owe her at least that much.

Iza kicks ass because unlike most girls, she likes the same things I do: video games, zombies, horror flicks, etc. She's got the same wild imagination. And she's a great cook and makes me food!



In a couple of weeks, when this semester ends, we're planning to have a sleepover while playing Left4Dead and Silent Hill all night, then celebrate surviving (or not) the night with crêpes for brunch.

I was thinking of making a video out of the whole experience, but then again, I don't think this is the kind of thing that's very exciting to look at from the outside.

I know my Uses, I have my Pride, but my Heart is still Untamed

As I'm nursing my broken heart and tarnished pride I'm reminded that I've been doing onto others exactly what's being done onto me.

The one I want doesn't want me, and the ones who want me, well....

X says:
because you are ALWAYS turning me down
X says:
you're like the carrot on a string
X says:
alluring, beautiful and undoubledly delicious
Mia says:
so I'm a masochist AND a sadist? this is disturbing news.
X says:
but ultimatly unobtainable

The end of semester stress, the cold and dark weather, it's all contributing to the intensity of how I feel. In 3 weeks, when I'm on vacation, I think I'm going to blow off a shitload of steam.

Obsession and Variations

I haven't had a huge programming project since last spring, so I had forgotten the obsession that takes over me when I delve deep into one. From the time I've poured myself my morning coffee to late at night when I realize I've pushed back my bedtime by a couple of hours, I program almost non-stop. I don't want to stop. There's always more to do. More functions to add, or existing functions to embellish. I've skipped some classes, and some meals, and it's strange to see that, for once, I have to force myself to go to the gym (I tell myself it'll refresh my brain for more programming, anyway).

We're in a team of 4 people for this project but so far I'm the only person who has done any work. Early on I tried to get the other members to choose from a list of tasks, when I didn't get any responses I asked one of them what was up, and all he said to me was, "I don't think the other 2 are going to do much work."

If that's the way it has to be, then that's the way it is. I much prefer do it all by myself than rely on lazy people who will do a shitty job. What irritates me is that they might benefit from my work, because I've always found it impossible to report free-riders.

As a benefit to me, while I'm working on this, all my other 'problems' have pretty much ceased to exist. Nothing is as important as what I am working on right now. But that kind of focus does make it hard to sleep without dreaming of algorithms. Last night I resorted to a Neuro-Linguistic Programming exercise found on resetyourbrain.com, something a friend of mine had told me about a few weeks ago when I told him my brain often has a hard time relaxing.

I'm getting restless as I write all this. I have to finish building a 3d robot, setting triggers, finalizing combat, then implementing items. That's the goal for today.

The trick is to keep breathing

Hold on to this feeling. Keep it close.

My Do-Gooder plans are Foiled!

I've been playing Fallout 3 these days in the wee bit of spare time I make for myself (read: I should be working then too, but don't). I've been trying to be a good person in the game but I've fucked up a lot. I got the first friend I made killed, then found out that also orphaned his son; I tried to free some slaves from bondage but accidentally made their electonic collars explode, etc.

Today in the real world though (which is far less exciting than an apocalyptic world, but it's probably better off that way), I was doing my usual 5km jog around Centennial Park when I came across a friendly siberian tiger-looking cat who rubbed up against me (yay allergies). I knew I'd seen posters up for a lost cat, so I made my way to the poster (about 15 minutes later), took down the phone number, ran home all the while saying to myself "I'll turn down the reward, it wouldn't be right to accept it." I called the guy up and he said, "We found our cat, he came home."

I guess the important thing is that these people found their cat. As for me, maybe I'll go into the slavery business now instead of trying to save them. It'll be for their own safety.

And the Compliment of the Year goes to...

Dan! My new band's guitarist!

I hope you, oh people of the internet who may have stumbled upon this, don't think I fish for these. All I said is I was pissed off at being so busy lately, and that 'I'll never get my abs of steel at this rate'. Dan responded to my e-mail with:

Jesus... do you even own a mirror???
fuck the abs of steel Mia ... you're hot as sin as it is.
a great addition to our band... and we have always been prepared to modify our schedule to accomodate.
this band is all about having fun and kicking ass and so far you seem like a perfect match for the post.

Whew. That's actually a huge weight off my mind. After playing with Mike for a year and a half, I forgot what having understanding bandmates was like.

Cognitive Dissonance

I wish I had been irresponsible every time I had a chance to this weekend. Instead, I missed out on half of all available fun. Somehow I wish having my Macroenvironmental Impact analysis all written up felt more fulfilling.