Go for the eyes, Boo! Go for the eyes!

I'm in a real good mood today. I don't know. Maybe it's the sunshine, the fact I've been eating well, sleeping enough. The fact I'm being pretty productive. The fact that I'm going on a wild adventure in a month. Maybe I'm choosing to be positive because I feel like I've been a downer lately and I don't want it affecting those close to me.

Seems I should blog while I'm happy so you can see what it's like, but truth is I don't have much to talk about right now. Lots of work to do!

So what else is new?

Things I am doing today:
- Kicking myself for being an idiot lately
- Getting anxious over some things I'd like to change in my personal life
- Trying not to think too far ahead in terms of life changes
- Thinking of my upcoming trip to Asia only in positive terms

It's still amazing to me how everything is information. I don't have enough information. And I don't know how to use all the information I get.



Neither do you, by the way.

You can do whatever you want in your tiny sphere of influence.
Of course you can't quite yet move mountains, but you can do
plenty already. My sphere is small, but I exercise my control over
it like a tyrannical dragon.

I don't have to talk to anyone I don't want to.
Don't have to see 'em neither.

I was never good at obeying the bizarre unwritten rules.

The Particles Know I'm Watching

Uranium decays over time in a process that's called nuclear decay. Unless you're watching it, that is. Then it defies the laws of physics and seems to stand still.

Anxiety's keeping me up again tonight. It's the kind of anxiety where you want to do so much but you know it's just not fucking possible to do it all. I want to build a fantastic success scenario at work and I want to make amazing designs and prototypes for the Mobile stuff (which we have no time/resources allocated to within the workday). I want to work out and reach another level of fitness. I want to write my novel. I want to practice my guitar playing and learn some songs, and I want to learn how to do decent recordings on Cubase. I want to learn how to make videos, editing and adding graphics. And I want to spend quality time with my love and do things together.

There are just nowhere near enough hours in the week, no matter how I try to crunch it. Even when I'm up until 2am like I am now, my brain's just not that functional for that long.

Frustration!

You Will Become Clever Through Your Mistakes (German proverb)

*Work ↑
*Training ↑
*Diet -
*Creativity ↓↓
*Gaming ↓

Maintaining motivation on many fronts is exhausting, especially if that front needs to be 100% of the time not to fail (I'm looking at you, slippery slope of nutrition! I let my guard down once last night and fucked my otherwise fabulous week).

I've been utilizing a lot of visualization tricks lately to keep me in the zone. It doesn't usually encompass all areas, some things are easier to imagine yourself being an unstoppable force at, but it helps anyway. I've been reading about the powers of mind over matter and think it could do me some good to be more positive.

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A note on "The Productive Zone"

I'm reading an excerpt of The Talent Code as I try to determine whether this would be a good, applicable read for me. So far it's about how talented people tap into a neurological mechanism in which certain patterns of targeted practice build skill. Without realizing it they enter a zone of accelerated learning that can be accessed by those who know how. That's the talent code. I feel like I've touched on that in the past while studying but in the book they're talking more about things that require motor skills. I'm sure it's a decent read but I don't think it's quite what I'm looking for, as I don't have a serious skill with a goal that requires a lot of practice (sure I'd like to be a better guitar player, but it's not up there on the list of priorities). What my goals require is a lot of learning.

Taking it Back to a Hardcore Level

Here are some of the things I'm up to these days:

- Working: leave my house at 8am, get home at 6:30pm. I haven't been getting much out of my work except money. Bug fixing is not conducive to personal growth. This takes up the biggest chunk of my time.
- Exercise: I've been lazying on the weight-lifting front, opting instead to stay in during evenings. I still get some walk/cardio time during the day. Now that its been a good two weeks, I'm starting to feel the need to start going evenings again, as draining as it is.
- Creative writing: I've been mapping out the storyarchs and characters of my novel. I find that writing overalls and concept is much easier than actually writing the thing. I'm still on the first chapter, even if I have a pretty clear idea of how the whole story will go. Also I can't write in the evening, my brain is too tired, so I'm limited to on-the-train.
- Making music: I gave up at trying to figure it out on my own and enlisted my coworker Vac to teach me how to use Cubase to record and to program music. My first goal will be to record my own version of Ocean Soul, since it's the song I know best. Not sure where to fit in time for this.
- Video editing: I finally got a copy of my trainer Krystle's video and I need to find some online tutorials on how I might go about creating an intro and including some graphics. I hope to do this on one of my upcoming Fridays off.
- Drawing: I shouldn't even put this in the list, because it's so low in priority. I just wish I could do 1 photoshop drawing of Tania.
- Roleplayinging: Roleplaying while playing SWTOR. It's a double-edged sword. On one hand, I feel like it just makes me a happier person, like it enhances my drive and creativity. On the other hand it's such a time-sink that it takes time away from other goals.