Jack - says:
I just saw the video you were in last night, you looked absolutely lovely.

The Spirit (is me)

Wendy says:
THANK YOU FOR THE CHOCOLATES OMG you are the spirit of christmas personified!1!

<3. Now sleep.

A control freak.

I've got neatly separated social groups. It's how I like things: compartmentalized. It's pretty rare that I've let things get mixed, because you never know what will happen. I was considering inviting Jess to the Solstice tradition event next Saturday, but then I got this nagging feeling of, 'This may yield unpredictable results' and decided to just close the invite window.

When predictability influences your choices, doesn't that make you a control freak? The term 'Risk Averse' comes to mind, but it's not quite right. There are no Risk Premiums for these kinds of things.

Friends.

Lt. Mia says:
Ugh, Jess, should I just quit being in a band already? I feel like I've got too many things and not enough time
Jess says:
no!
its like 30% of your sex apeal

---------

[Anne, who had a car crash, asking me if I can hang out with her during the holidays]
Anne says:
grrrrrrrrr
Anne says:
I almost died!
Anne says:
I deserve some Mia attention

Accident / a Heart not Captured

It's hard not to take it personally when this sort of shit happens.

You're thinking to yourself, "Finally, things are going my way," and that's when it hits. A major roadblock. Or in this case, a major car crash. Broken ribs, punctured lung, but at least he'll be okay, eventually. That is what's important. But it doesn't change the fact that a singer can't sing for a long time after a punctured lung, and the entire reason I left my baby, my project behind, was so that I could join a band that was complete, that was ready to start playing live and recording. What I'll be getting instead now is rent I can't afford and an incomplete lineup (again). I can't help it, really, after everything that's happened in the last 3 years, but to feel like this is personal. The universe conspires against me.

---------

So many times I've wanted to apologize to people and say, "I'm terribly sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm very sorry that I'm not in love with you."

I'm feeling guilty these days in particular for getting spoiled. I've made my feelings and intentions clear, I can only hope there's no clinging to false hope going on.

I have to be careful of the lines I cross.

Killing Zombies, the Ties that Bind

It's my main girl Iza's 27th birthday on Saturday, which I was this close to forgetting seeing as I had made dinner date plans with Ted. I really have to drill this date into my head, November 29, after 6 years of friendship I owe her at least that much.

Iza kicks ass because unlike most girls, she likes the same things I do: video games, zombies, horror flicks, etc. She's got the same wild imagination. And she's a great cook and makes me food!



In a couple of weeks, when this semester ends, we're planning to have a sleepover while playing Left4Dead and Silent Hill all night, then celebrate surviving (or not) the night with crêpes for brunch.

I was thinking of making a video out of the whole experience, but then again, I don't think this is the kind of thing that's very exciting to look at from the outside.

I know my Uses, I have my Pride, but my Heart is still Untamed

As I'm nursing my broken heart and tarnished pride I'm reminded that I've been doing onto others exactly what's being done onto me.

The one I want doesn't want me, and the ones who want me, well....

X says:
because you are ALWAYS turning me down
X says:
you're like the carrot on a string
X says:
alluring, beautiful and undoubledly delicious
Mia says:
so I'm a masochist AND a sadist? this is disturbing news.
X says:
but ultimatly unobtainable

The end of semester stress, the cold and dark weather, it's all contributing to the intensity of how I feel. In 3 weeks, when I'm on vacation, I think I'm going to blow off a shitload of steam.